Tuesday, January 27, 2015

So What Now...

Pss. 30:3 O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

So What Now…

As I sit here thinking of the losses from cancer, I myself wonder what’s next for me.
My uncle (by marriage) is fighting the fight diligently and I know it won’t be long before I get the unawaited call that drops me to my knees yet again.  I lost my grandmother to lung cancer over forty years ago and now my aunt just recently succumbed, I watched (from afar) my dad do battle with throat cancer and my nephew testicular cancer, and I also remember my mother’s aunt dying from cancer, so where does that leave me in the line of targets for cancers next victim?

I’m sure there are more members of the family that I’m forgetting because it is quite obvious cancer has targeted my gene pool. Am I to sit here in line and wait for cancer to tap me on the shoulder with a smile and say, ‘You’re next, sweetie.’

I’m not a health nut by any means. I know right from wrong and I know what is good for my body and what is not good for my body. I don’t go out of my way to overindulge in food carelessly and that has helped ME with any health and weight issues in my lifetime. I don’t consume poison (alcohol) and although I try to keep my brain in working order, I believe I fail miserably.

Does this mean that cancer will pass me by? I’m not blind to the fact that it has no preference in where or when it strikes. All of us are most certainly guaranteed some health crisis in our lifetime that will either make us or break us in its procession of consuming the living.

I’m not riddled with paranoia instead I’m riddled with life. I wake every day and ask, what can I do for you, Lord? And He doesn’t say go out and share what other people have to say about me, share what YOU say about me and experience in YOUR life. And basically that is what I do. When I share a scripture from the Bible, I’m not pointing at you and telling you that you need to read and believe this because * I * do. I’m sharing it with you as an explanation for something I’m going through and allowing God and scripture to guide ME down the path.

I’m not a very knowledgeable person but I am a very wise person. I’ll take wisdom over knowledge any day. Knowledge is book-smart wisdom is heart-smart. Not all knowledgeable people are heart smart. I mean they know things because they’ve read about it somewhere, shared it so that you know they’ve read it somewhere but sincerely do not have the wisdom to share it through experience, only what was read.

I’ve come to the conclusion that cancer has infected humanity, not just physically but mentally and spiritually as well. It has made its way into unsuspecting hosts and breeds like fleas; where there is one flea (cell) you can bet there are more right behind it multiplying.

I live and learn from experience not from something that was spoon-fed me via words on a page. Humanity is being eaten away and unsuspecting hosts are breeding the lies, deceit and corruption. I say unsuspecting because they believe they’re doing the right thing, but then again, they’re only going by the knowledge that was fed them, not by anything they witnessed or experienced first hand.

The biggest snowstorm of the century was a misleading adventure that hosts wanted to feed you. Every year the Farmer’s Almanac has been proven false, every day the weathermen appear to be liars in disguise, religious scholars are pretending to be scientist and vice versa, liars are lying, cheaters are cheating and killers are killing. People are willing to believe wholeheartedly the things they read.

My heart aches for misled humans. I won’t believe I’m next in line for cancer to strike because I’ve read it somewhere. I’ll believe it when the experience is upon me. My heart bleeds for those that have suffered with cancer, lived to tell about it and those that we have lost to this illness. A cure for cancer will one day be found, maybe in my lifetime and maybe not. One thing is for certain, humanity holds the key. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Death Is Never Easy

Pss. 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Death is never easy…

Death is never easy when it hits close to home. I mean, it’s hard any time when we see death surrounding us on the battlefield called earth. People dying everywhere your heart just aches.

Then someone like an online friend dies and though you never knew the person physically, you still feel like something is missing from your spirit. A part of your heart has a burn hole in it. Then a friend loses a mother or a father or sadly both parents the hole begins to grow. Online friends become your family over years and years of communication. They become a part of your everyday life, so to speak.

Now when a family member from your bloodline passes away, someone who you actually grew up with in your physical world, shared Christmas’ with and passed on the road from child to adult, the sting is even harder.

Yesterday, the 25th, my aunt passed away. She was a jolly soul, tall with graying hair, always a   bright smile and a laugh to share. A little on the heavy side but she never let that hinder her from having a good life, attending church or being a social butterfly always fluttering around from place to place.

I can’t remember exactly when they found a tumor but I know she wanted to have back surgery and it was discovered. They had to remove the tumor before cutting into her back. They discovered the tumor, removed and chemo-therapy ensued. They found another tumor and more chemo, another then the same thing over and over for the past year.

She began losing the weight as the cancer was eating her away. That did not stop her smiles. When she had the strength she’d continue doing what she did. Attended church, visited with her grandchildren, hugged her children, and enjoyed the community of Locust Point and what bit of vibrancy that was left in her.

I remember in my younger years she always called me Noni. She had told me of how when I was really little just learning to speak, I had called her Aunt Nerl, for Aunt Gerald, so she would jokingly hug me and say, “There’s Noni.” She was never short on hugs and every time she saw me she’d say, “There’s Noni.” And give me one of the hardiest of hugs.

I don’t think any of my other aunts loved me like she did. Living over a thousand miles away for the past twelve years hasn’t allowed me many visits back home, but the one time I did go back to see my mother in the hospital, Aunt Nerl showed up and there she said again, “There’s Noni!”

She always told me that I reminded her of her. Always laughing, always seemingly happy, making others laugh and just a personality that mirrored hers. That made me pretty proud because no offense to my other aunts, they were not as jovial as we were/are. Since my Aunt Gerald is my father’s sister, I could see where my DNA had coursed.

Yesterday was a tough day for my mother and father. My dad almost seemed irate when he learned that my brother had found out about my aunts death on the computer. They are not of the computer age and think this gadget is a turnstile from hell. He doesn’t understand that facebook is used as a source of comfort when we need to be consoled. My cousins announced their mothers’ death to seek comfort not to degrade her in any way and I tried to let my parents know that.

Thumbprints are left on the soul. We have people in our lives that leave lasting prints never to be washed away. Whether these people are online friends or physical beings in your life, a print is made and you cling to the person via the memories and stories left on your soul.

We all mourn differently. This past week as my mother kept telling me to pray for my aunt, I told her I was praying for her peace, not her miraculous healing. While I am notably an optimist and believe in miracles, I knew when I heard that my aunt had cancer of the blood, it would not be long before I heard of her death. The realist in me accepted this portion of the journey that we must all take.

Last Saturday my aunt was given forty-eight hours to live. It was a miracle that by Monday morning she had a chance to sit up, eat some jell-o and meet with her kids one last time. By Sunday the 25th, her needed organs ceased to function and she went on into eternal peace, just what I prayed for. Peace from the continued suffering. Peace to let go and meet the Lord head on. Peace to finally be free of these earthly restrictions.

Death is never easy for the living.

Pss. 61: 1-4  Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

What's Going on?

Matt. 24:12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

What’s Going On?

I wake in the morning and say my prayers. I’m into a serious prayerful phase. While that is the normal me anyway, here lately my prayerful ways have been more intense. After my prayers I go to the news and see what it has to say.

I skip over all the political jargon because let’s face it the government is a mess. Do we really need to whine and whine and do nothing about it? When is the last time YOU wrote to your leaders? Last time you went to a protest? When is the last time you actively sought change in the US? Besides a facebook rant, have you done anything? Okay then, I forego the political agenda’s of the day because I don’t see a point. I do nothing so I have nothing to say on the matter.

While I’m very vocal about ME, and not liking the blood, gore and sleaze in movies, the news is full enough of all the catastrophes movies only dream of. What’s going on? A two-year old is killed walking with his dog on railroad tracks; a twenty-two tear old burns her newborn baby to death on the side of the road, telling an onlooker that it was dog feces; a five year old shoots his infant brother lying in the crib; a two-year old shoots and kills his mother in a Walmart after finding her gun hidden in her purse!

Again I say, what’s going on? We live in an abusive, negligent, selfish, trigger-happy nation. I’m all for the right to bear arms but I’m also for the right to act responsibility while bearing those arms. We are not a responsible nation! We can’t even drive responsibly let alone have an unattended firearm within reach of a child.

Then there’s the children. We’re off multiplying like rabbits and then dispose of the responsibility of taking care of these children, tossing them out into society and allowing a pack of wolves to raise them or people choose to abuse and kill them. And we wonder why society is the way it is?

Then there’s the Earth. You know, that planet hanging out there in the solar system sustaining life? Yeah, that’s us! We’re out here destroying the very thing that sustains us and we’re doing a bang up job of keeping it spinning.

The scientists have told us what we want to hear. Their opinion is just that, an opinion, not fact. We cling to their words no different than we hold onto the lies the media feeds us. We’re going downhill in a bobsled and we have no brakes in place.
Last night as I sat star gazing this January evening, I heard the sounds of…crickets. Granted it has been warm for January, crickets and flies are a fact that I see and hear with my own eyes and ear; while I know this just shouldn’t be happening.

I look at the world and see it falling down the side of a mountain and I can do nothing to stop the descent. I think I’d rather believe in the dinosaurs building the pyramids than to face the fact that we’re going to hell in a handbag.

Oh well, just another day on the planet earth. What’s going on? You be the judge.

Matt. 24:5-11 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
All these are the beginning of sorrows.
Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.

Monday, January 19, 2015


Prov. 23: 5 Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.


It was forty some odd years ago that my grandmother succumbed to lung cancer. I remember it being a time when there was no cure, yet, but there would be some day. Just saying the word makes me cringe. As a child I thought if I didn’t think about it, it couldn’t sneak up on me. I also thought it was a nasty contagious disease that was secretly going to take over the world.

In the past couple of years, my father has had throat cancer (5 years cancer free as of today), my uncle has been battling the disease, my dad’s sister is in the throes of losing the battle, Steven’s cousin died (30 years young) last year of colon cancer, he has a friend battling colon cancer (44 yrs young), my nephew HAD testicular cancer, I lost an online friend to colon cancer and the list of cancer eating away at my family and friends is not ending, it just keeps infesting!

I do have friends that have won the battle of breast cancer, so I do have hope that a cure is in sight for the future generations that will fall into its disastrous clutches. This year has not had the good start that I was looking forward to by no means at all!

Just last week I lost an online friend. She didn’t have cancer (praise God) but death took her away and spared her the lengthy illnesses that she had been enduring over the years. And now my aunt is lying in a hospital bed in what is surely the last day(s) of life succumbing and being taken over by the cancer that has slowly eaten away at her body.

I’m wondering if this is the prelude to a dismal year ahead of me. While I feel totally petty whining about my pain and my inability to walk, my incapable legs and back giving out on me, I’m swiftly reminded that it could be so much worse. I’m alive and I need to remember that, for whatever reason, God has a hold on me and is not ready for me but He’s putting my mind and body through the rigors of pain and heartbreak for a reason; to make me stronger perhaps?

I have to admit that I’m not looking forward to the year ahead. Not just because of all the illnesses sucking the life right out of people but also because I’m uncertain how this year is going to play out. Sure, we all head into a new year not knowing what it will bring but I myself can usually feel how good or bad it is going to be so I prepare myself for it. So I guess what it is telling me is to expect the unexpected.

I think I’m feeling isolated way out here in the middle of Nowhere, Nebraska. The nearest airport is over an hour and a half away, and the more reasonable airport that Nebraskans use is more than three hours away. Not that I could afford to jump on a plane and fly back at a minutes notice, but it still leaves me feeling very isolated and far far away from my family.

Back home an airport was twenty minutes away and I had two or three to choose from. Out here, we don’t have airports in the vicinity and we barely have a fire department, they are both Volunteer Fire Depts., and hospitals? We have one thirty minutes away but if it is something life threatening, we’d be flown out to Omaha! It’s just all very detaching from the outside world and especially, my family.

I don’t have much of a family but I do have my mother and father; all other family members wrote me off when I left home. I’m dribble on their crab bib. So you can see why I’m a little bogged down with emotions right now.

Uncertainty… it’s a low blow that hits when least expected. Now I see that my life is like a cancer, slowly sneaking up on me and sucking the life right out of me. Here’s hoping the year moves ahead in a positive manner and is somewhat good to me. It’s a wait and see kind of year.

Job 14:7 For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Poetry Sunday ~ An Ode to Eyrline

Acts 26:13 At midday, O king, I saw in the way a light from heaven, above the brightness of the sun, shining round about me and them which journeyed with me.

Ode To Eyrline

She loved to dance, she loved to sing
A song of love or most anything.
Always a tune humming in her heart
Sincerely wise and extremely smart.
This ode of mine to which I write
For sweet Eyrline who knew not her plight.
Inspiration flowed from her fingertips
Encouraging words streamed from her lips.
To loving Eyrline we are giving praise
For lighting up our dimmest days.

E, Lee, Eyrline; endearing names that we know
Sickness tried to cripple her but there she did not go.
She walked with us down a path, a nit or crit or two
A gem among the rubble; she always saw us through.
Eager she was to lend a hand to the young and old
No signs of her frailty; she was fashioned of fine gold!
A vessel among humans to shower her rays of light
A watering can of wisdom that she sprinkled with delight.
I’ll miss the stories of her mother, her family and her pets
Her life held many battles; but she clung to no regrets.

To you my friend, you’ll be missed so much
For your heartfelt words without a single touch.
For the laughter and smiles you brought to our face
How your presence lightened the entire place.
Your passion for God to all of us shone
‘Round about your being you were never alone.
Dedication to music gently carried you away
To the Glory of Heaven is where you now play.
I do not know where you were led to roam
But our Heavenly Father has now called you home.

Be at peace, E. We love you!

Pss. 23:1-6
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
*** ~ *** ~ ***

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Quotation Saturday

A candle and rose for Eyrline Morgan

Pss. 48:14 For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.


“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

“Life is for the living.
Death is for the dead.
Let life be like music.
And death a note unsaid.”
― Langston Hughes

“When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.”
― William Shakespeare

“That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking.”
― Sarah Dessen


“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri

“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”
― José N. Harris

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars,
The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“God, but life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of "parties" with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship - but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.”
― Sylvia Plath


“The only things I regret, and the only things I'll ever regret are things I didn't do. In the end, that's what we mourn. The paths we didn't take. The people we didn't touch.”
― Scott Spencer

“The size and height of the tree determines how heavily the ground will shake when it falls. The cassava tree falls and not even the pests in the forest are aware. The baobab tree falls and the whole forest looks empty! Such is human life!”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“Each of us has his own rhythm of suffering.”
― Roland Barthes

“During the prayers of the day, there was one less “amen”.”
― Phindiwe Nkosi

My dear friend Eyrline Morgan passed away on January 16, 2015. After struggling through many illnesses she finally succumbed and went home to be with our Heavenly Father. The writing community (WVU, F2K) and the world look a lot dimmer today without her shining soul.

A post from Eyrline nine months ago in our Inspirational group:

Be still my heart, God's in the sky. He has the answer To your cry = = = Be still, my heart.

Dear Lord,
Please give me strength, to find His way.
Please build me up from day to day,
That I might help someone to find His way,
Grant me the strength and courage, too,
To live a life, Sincere and true.

Rest in peace, E! We love you!

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I'm Alive

 I'm Alive

Yes siree, I’m alive and well and writing! Thirteen posts so far (this one makes fourteen) and my New Year is off and running in the right direction. I say the right direction because I’m not wasting my time sitting endless hours on facebook just waiting for some kind of activity for me to like. Nope, I’m writing!

Don’t get me wrong, if you’re retired and enjoying the Golden Years of your life, by all means use facebook for what it is good for, games. If you’re disabled, facebook and socializing can be great therapy. If you’re wealthy and don’t need to work, facebook can be a great form of relaxing or if you’re sick and in bed seeing some familiar names to chat with can sometimes make you feel all better.

I always seem to come down hard on facebook maybe because I am dead to facebook and facebook is dead to me. I’m getting back into what God intended for me to do and this is to write. I think if He intended for me to twiddle my fingers and thumbs, He’d see to it that FB was a joy in my life instead of an idle/idol distraction.

It’s taken me a while to realize that facebook is an actual lifeline for folks and by me always negatively harping on it, may do more harm than good. My son almost slapped me upside the head and told me to stop ragging on facebook; that some people actually LIKE it. Okay sure, whatever. I notice HE is never on facebook but then it’s just not for him. To him it’s a retirement community for old folks. (remember, he’s a kid!)

Maybe I should stick to being lonely in the confines of my mind. I notice that no legitimate, successful author ever made a name for himself by sitting on the walls of facebook becoming oh so popular. Nope, his/her writing is what spoke volumes and that is where I’m at, at this juncture in my life; making my writing stand out!

I think this is the year I need to focus more on the seriousness of writing. Not just spitting out blog posts, I mean some serious writing. It might mean spending a lot of time inside my mind and that could be quite dangerous. It also means focusing on courses that will move me forward with my writing.

I often wonder if I died tomorrow, would all of those so-called friends miss me? Would they say what a great friend I was and how they’ll miss my whining, loving, caring words? I don’t think so. I think they’ll wipe me off the bottom of their shoes and continue on in their Mardi gras life, whooping and hollering about all that is wrong with the world and doing absolutely NOTHING to make a change. All talk, talk, talk and no action, except a facebook post.

May I walk with God all the days of my life and may His light shine ‘round about me. Amen!

Rom. 1:21-32 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
  Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
  Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
  For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
  And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
  Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
  Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
  Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
  Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Silent Protocol

Silent Protocol
Angel Always...godspeed

Sunshine Award

Sunshine award